What is the fate of living life in a dream state? - Looking Back on the “Mirror of the Heart”, the Story that Came from a Dream

Sometimes we see our dreams. On rare occasions, we remember the stories from our dreams, but often, we cannot even recall them because they easily fade from memory right after waking. This is why I am recently trying to write down my dreams on my computer in between being in a dream state and reality when I wake up. However, the moment I go to the bathroom, I easily forget everything. The dream disappears from memory in a split second. It’s just like a breeze: You never know where it’s coming from or where it’s going to disappear next.

Yet, from time to time, I still clearly remember some of my dreams. Some of these dreams, particularly the ones from my childhood, are some that are seared deep in my memories forever. To be honest, I only remember scary dreams and I’m a little disappointed that there wasn’t a beautiful love story. My childhood dreams can be roughly divided into two categories and both categories had terrifying stories. If you don’t like one of these, you better not keep on reading beyond this point because you might have a similar nightmare tonight.

When I was born, my parents had already started living separately and I met my father only about once a month. There were always family troubles and my mother occasionally suffered from the violence of my father who was 10 years younger than she. Of course, I was sometimes slapped or whipped, too. One time I was walking up the stairs in the Tokyo Tower to see my mother. However, as I climbed the stairs, my legs gradually melted away from the bottom. I thought to myself, “No way!” but shortly, I couldn’t climb the stairs anymore because my legs wore down and I couldn’t move. Then I woke up. It was an awful dream. I had this nightmare probably because my family environment wasn’t good. It was a dream that described my state of mind at that time in detail.

Another terrifying story is a dream that I have over and over again. This dream is a story about nuclear war. In 1968, the movie Planet of the Apes became a smash hit and it was the only movie my father ever took me to. In this movie, humans destroyed themselves in a nuclear war and then the apes started to rule the world and eventually make humans their slaves. At that time, the United States was also in the midst of the Vietnam War and tensions were high with the Soviet Union over the Cold War. The world was filled with uncertainty. Due to current events and since I had just watched Planet of the Apes, I began to see nightmares about nuclear war often. In one of my terrifying dreams, I am hiding inside my house or behind a building bracing myself as I’m terrified that a nuclear bomb was going to drop. The next moment I hear the boom of the bomb dropping... I wake up in an instant. How many times have I had this nightmare?

Recently, I often have nightmares where I am floating up to the surface of the water to take a breath after nearly drowning in the tsunami. As the water steadily rises up from under my feet, I am on the brink of life or death when I try to call out to everyone to evacuate. I am desperately struggling to survive as I’m being confronted with the ultimate choice. Perhaps my frequent dreams about tsunamis was heaven’s intention: Now I work in Onagawa, Miyagi Prefecture, which was devastated by the earthquake and tsunami. It has now become a symbol for restoration projects. In fact, I’m writing this article right here in Onagawa.

“Half awake, half asleep” is a well-said phrase. I don’t want any bad dream to become reality. If it’s at all possible, I would like to always wake up from pleasant and refreshing dreams, but the reality is harsh and this is why I talk a lot in my dreams. However, there is no way for me to hear myself talking while I’m sleeping and I cannot take notes of the many long stories from my dreams because I instantly forget them. Instead, I write down my babble, which is also the sequel to my sleep talking. This may be meaningless to many people but I still have a lot to talk about and share with everyone. I also hold onto ideas in my mind that I want to make known to the world, so I hope that one day I will be able to do this in my dream and then l wake up to find my life changing as drastically in reality as it does in my dreams.